Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I believe in your delicious
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
