You really coming over, don't trick.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
