The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
