Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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