I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
