remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
