I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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