haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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