Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
