so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
