I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
