He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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