Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
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Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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