you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
