who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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