Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
