absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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