the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
