do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
