I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
