I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize