My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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