How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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