I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
