I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
