In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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