Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
