I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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