Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
