Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
