worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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