11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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