having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
