ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
