Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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