No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
