my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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