you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
