Sponge bath it is.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
