Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
