Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
