just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
