Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
