I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
