TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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