the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
vagina is talking i cant
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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