Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
