What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
