Duck Duck Cougar?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
