Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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