Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
