can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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