Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
