Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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