Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
