Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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