I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
