So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
