Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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