well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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