So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
