and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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