Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
