He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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