Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
