I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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