he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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