im about as happy as oj after his trial
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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