One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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