I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
