i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
