i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
