Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize